Resentment
by Uncle.Dragon
Summary: How far would you go to hate someone? How big of a change is it when you finally hear gentle words from a dying enemy? A food for thought story. 2nd chpt is an alternate end.
1. Chapter 1

I took an incredible amount of pride in sinking the entire Isshu region, in the detrimental power I held. Every single Ultima I cast made me feel... almost elated; I kept reminding myself of how hard SHE had tried to conquer the world. How many centuries SHE had tried to breathe life into my mother's corpse. And how SHE hated me. But did I hate her...? Shockingly, no. I didn't hate her, by any means. I felt she had betrayed me, make no mistake. But then again... I paused. I was finished with this destruction. Isshu was burned beyond recognition; that had been my goal.

I looked down. Sure enough, there she was, obviously still breathing. That old woman... with all her knowledge, with all her power, she was still just an old woman. Struggling for life... pity filled my heart. I floated down to her, just to stay by her side for a few moments. Even if she didn't want me there. I could only stare for a moment, unsure what to say. She only lied there, as though she didn't know I was there. How easy it would have been to just leave! She wouldn't have to see my weakness. But try as I might, turning away simply wasn't an option. Eventually, words found my tongue. And they weren't the ones I had expected.

"So this is how Himeko-mama felt..." I said softly, dropping to my knees. I looked at her, wondering if... yes, she did open his eyes. Still alive... incredible. I looked up. That had to have been at least a hundred-foot drop, not to mention a stalagmite impaled through her only weakness. I almost smiled. I had gotten my will to survive from her, that much was clearly evident. But then again... I looked back at her. Her breathing was staggering, her eyes seemed to try to pierce my soul... They did, actually. I could scarcely believe what I had said, but I could never take those words back. It was too late.

"What do you mean... how your mother... felt?" she asked, her words coming just as raggedly as her breathing. I hesitated. Why had I said that? How could I explain? I bit my lip, and met her eyes. My words were anything but steady. "When she tried to kill me... I didn't know why she was so sad. Now I do..." I couldn't hold the gaze. I couldn't let her see the blush that had appeared on my cheeks. I just kept making myself more and more the fool, digging my own grave. This could only lead to pain, and I'd had enough pain for one lifetime. But... if she was dying, then... what difference did it make? Oh, who was I kidding... we were both dying, Isshu was dying. When she didn't respond for a moment, I chanced a glance at her. Her blank eyes were closed. Then, they reopened, and she looked at me.

"Himiko..." she began. I braced myself. "Himiko... I cannot think of you as a daughter... not now," her words were oddly calm, though they were full of... something. I looked away again, fighting... tears? No. It couldn't be tears... I had never cried before in my life. Chikane Himemiya, or should I call you Shojin, the mother of all vampires, you never could think of me as a child, how can you think of me as a daughter? I'm not your Angel of Death, I'm your creation... I'm not even human. I'm a simple, useless half-vampire... I did everything you told me to. Reluctantly and rebelliously, granted, but I did it. I found my own ways of doing things; you hated me for that. But you never hurt me. I got rid of your perfect empire, I murdered your precious wife and the mother of your child, so why didn't you break every bone in my fragile body? You could have killed me then. Why not? I turned back to her.

"I don't need you to think of me at all, Shojin. In fact, I hope no one thinks of me again." I said, trying to keep that air of complete control and dignity that I had mastered so long ago... but I broke. Tears that hadn't fallen for twenty-four years fell down my pale cheeks. I didn't bother wiping them away, and I didn't try to hide them. It was too late- Chikane had already seen them. My father had seen my first steps, first spells, and now... my first tears. Oh, to be a child again! I would fix my errors, I wouldn't be Shojin's defect. I'd be just as good as - no, better than Kanade Tachibana. Chikane would love me, she'd accept me. I wouldn't mind dying if I only had... her respect... I felt her take my hand gently, to my complete bewilderment.

"Fa-father...?" I wiped a tear away from my face. Golden hair fell in my eyes. I brushed that away, too. She only looked at me. I wondered what she was thinking... good lord, was I crying again? The tears, once started, were ceaseless. I looked at Chikane. I almost laughed then... I never realized how very alike we were in many ways. Including the fact that we were both too naive to see that we were mortal. My creator seemed to struggle for words. Then, "Are you planning to stay here until the continent sinks completely?" The words, so nonchalant, and yet so futile. Behind the cool voice, I heard something. She... she wanted... she wanted me to escape! Once again, I almost laughed. I had never realized that Chikane Himemiya was capable of something so paternal. Fatherly. A term I had never used to describe Chikane Himemiya... until now.

"I don't want... to die... but I'm gonna die anyway," I whispered, as the knowledge hit me again. Each time, it hit me right in the chest. Right in the heart. Oh, how easily she had ended my dreams! How simple it had been for her to destroy my future. It had taken me ten years to accomplish so much... it had taken her four words. 'You are a mortal.' How quickly she had ruptured my confidence, my hopes, my plans... but none of that mattered. She was here, and she was trying not to show it... but I knew she cared. She was regretting it now.

I looked skyward. A bright light had just emanated from the sky... S.S. Invincible. In my heart, I knew it was Suneo Honekawa and his band of worms. So. Once again, the little nuisances had escaped my trap. Somehow, it didn't bother me. I glowed for a moment, blinded by the light of the portal. The perfect Angel of Death had gotten away. I looked back down to Chikane, who I expected to be looking at the portal, as well. To my surprise, she was looking back at me. "Kanade's safe," I said wistfully. She met my eyes evenly. "Himiko... I want you to go with them. Now." she ordered. I could only stare at her for a moment.

"Wh-Why?" I asked, not hiding my disbelief. She hesitated. Chikane, no, Father, without an answer. I shall cherish her last words. "I need Kanade to go to Memoria, and you would lure her there. Now go." she said, releasing my hand. She closed her eyes, and her body relaxed. She thought I would believe she was dead. No such luck. She was my father, she was my creator, she was my mistress, she was my companion in death. I wouldn't let go that easily.

I leaned over, kissing her forehead gently. Her eyes opened again, slower this time. It was her turn to look surprised. Once again, a cherished memory. I took a deep breath. "I... I know you love me, father... That's why you didn't kill me when Kanade was created. That's why you want me to go after Honekawa... It has nothing to do with Kanade, does it?" I asked softly, brushing a strand of white hair off of her face. My father, my creator. Whatever she wanted to call herself, she was my father.

* * *

><p>Only a few hours later, I had all but forgotten these last moments. Standing before the Crystal, feeling the power it radiated, I lost it. I was full of hatred, desiring only to destroy everything. By this time, Chikane Himemiya was dead... but she knew I was insane. She had told Kanade and Honekawa to "take care" of me. She knew I wanted to kill... everyone. Everything. And I couldn't recall Chikane's gentle words to me. No, I only remembered the years I had hated her. The years she had hated me.<p>

* * *

><p>Lying on the Indigo Plateau, I realize: My memories are back, memories of those last few moments with my... father... and the things she had said to me. Even as I was talking to Honekawa, I was thinking of her... My father... you dashed my dreams, and ended my life, but in the end... I'm more than just your doll.<p>

...I'm your proud daughter.


	2. Chapter 2

"You should have died with your miserable empire," she snarls, as if she had not said the same thing only moments before. I must forgive her. Her memory is leaving her now, I suppose - just as her sight left her so very suddenly yesterday, and her magic the day before that. Her memory seems to be going now, beginning with events that happened very recently - not but a few moments ago - but eventually, all of her memories will have fled. And will that serve as a blessing or a curse to her, I find myself wondering, she who has so very much to remember, and yet so many burdens to carry.

This is assuming, of course, that she lives long enough to lose all of her memory.

"You should have died with your fruitless ambitions," I reply at her bedside, knowing she will not hear me, and not caring if she chooses to listen. She does not listen to the things I say, or forgets them if she does. Our coexistence has become mercifully peaceful, in this.

She is all I have left.

My coven lies in ashes, Kanade has forsaken me, Himeko is dead. All that remains to me is my wildest child, the one who sought to destroy me, but instead destroyed my life's work. And yet, she is the only one who has returned to me, and is the one who saved me, when I found myself stranded in the snows of northern Sinnoh... after I had come to terms with the realization that I had not died with the coven I so desperately wished to revive and rule. I had nearly frozen. She was nearly dead, herself, the scars of her fall still fresh. She brought me to this place, "Snowpoint City," as the locals have named it. We have been here for two weeks since, and with each passing day... I grow stronger, as she fades.

She is all I have left. And she lies here on a wooden bed, unable to rise. She lies there, gazing at the vaulted ceiling through blind blue eyes. She lies there, snarling and hissing at me like the unbreakable beast she has always been... but she came back to me, when the others would not, and will not. She lies there... slowly, yet quickly dying. She has hours left to her. A day, at best. At worst... perhaps when next she blinks, her eyes will close forever.

"You should have died..." she begins again, but forgets the words before they pass her dry, cracked lips. Her voice has become raspy, and scarcely audible - a voice that once sang of power, of authority. This is the woman who nearly held an entire planet in the palm of her graceful, pale hand. And she is dying now, slowly withering away to nothing, unable to so much as _lift _a hand. When next she speaks, if ever she speaks again... I suspect I will be unable to hear her.

She was _not_ my first creation.

Far from it, as a matter of fact. She was merely my first success. The half-breed with a soul to last an hour, a day, a week, a month, two months, a year, five years, a decade... and yet, I gave her only a quarter of a century to live. It doesn't sound nearly so bad that way: a quarter of a century. But in the end, what it means is this: I gave this woman twenty-five years to live. I realize now the futility of her existence, in that no matter how powerful she became - and she was _so _powerful, only days ago - it was all for nothing. And now, when I have so little left to me... I find that I would like to keep her with me. Even in her hatred, she is my last tie to Himeko, to my coven, and is indeed the reason I nearly succeeded in my goal.

We had always been bound together, not by love (love was beyond her comprehension, and even more so beyond mine), but by hatred, and by a goal we shared... each to defeat the other, each to find victory over the dreams and hopes of the other. Now, we are bound together by the successful achievement of our respective goals. She has destroyed me... but I destroyed her long ago; I killed her before I ever gave her life. And in this, I suppose I could claim the true victory, but it rings hollow. She is all I have left, and I am losing her.

"...Should have died..." she tries again, runs her tongue over those dry lips, and stops. Her breathing has become so shallow. Her breath rattles in her chest, and every once in a great while, she gives a weak cough. The wetness of each hack suggests that she is coughing up blood, and choking. She is in a great deal of pain now, and each inhalation is a bit more painful than the last. Soon, though, she will stop breathing, and the pain will end. She could just as easily allow herself to die in peace, yet her strong will (the very will I had so loathed when Himeko gave birth to her) makes her try, one last time, "You should have died with..." before she suddenly stops again, and begins coughing violently. Blood sprays her lips, red and harsh against her pale flesh. Her blind eyes are wide, perhaps with fear, and her breathing is even more shallow.

Perhaps I spoke too soon, for she _does _manage to lift her hand then. The small, bone-thin thing rests on my own hand, trembling, clutching me so tightly that, had I been able to feel it, I am certain I might have cried out in pain. "Sho-jin..." she chokes, her eyes directed, however vaguely, at my face. And it is then that I understand - she is dying now, and the fight has gone out of her. The fight, the hate, the nihilism, it has all left her, leaving only fear in its place. Fear, and pain. And myself... I feel something that may be fear, as well. The fear that all living creatures know: the fear of being utterly, completely alone in the world, particularly a world they do not understand. Madness makes me want nothing more than to beg her to stay, but the futility of it all, and the cold, cruel irony, stuns me into silence. She is all I have left. The only thing left to me on this planet, and the only thing left from the world I created, and the world I _wanted _to create.

Her eyes close, her breathing quiets, and her hand falls limp. And in that moment, I find that we have one final thing in common, perhaps the most binding similarity of all...

We have both lost everything.


End file.
